Posts Tagged With: hope

When You Hit a Sink Hole

Let God Carry Your Burdens

One day my life changed…in the blink of an eye…suddenly my reality altered and I almost lost all hope. I am going to warn you right now, it is not pretty, it even may be more info than you want to hear or know, but it is my story and I need to put it out here. I am taking us back to the evening of September 8th, 2015.

I think I shared that part of the natural protocol I am on uses coffee enemas. We were doing them twice a day, morning and again at night, followed by a shower. I love standing under hot running water, getting clean but that simple act I took for granted was painful. Stepping into the tub and out of the tub sent shock waves of pain across my back and shooting down my left leg. At times it was almost unbearable and other times it was okay. The 8th…that was a nightmare for me. All seemed fine, the enema was over and as my loving husband helped me stand up to go to the bathroom, well the unthinkable happened. I could not hold the liquid in and left a trail of coffee and poop from our bedroom all the way to the bathroom. I was mortified, embarrassed and ashamed. I cried. Ed was so sweet and compassionate doing all he could to keep me calm. He got me in the shower and went to clean up the mess I made.

I hurt so much. He had to dry me and dress me for bed. The only place I could sleep was on the recliner in the living room, and someone had to recline it and sit it up in order for me to use a walker and or cane to go to the bathroom. I could do very little for myself by this time. Ed worked from home three days a week and Amanda, our daughter was home two days a week, but we had to get Ed into the office three days, so my dear friend, sister of my heart began to stay with me one day a week.

The sink hole hit on the 9th. Wednesday morning, Ed was home. I am so thankful for that. He was helping me get to the bathroom to prepare for the “coffee break”. I could not move the cane to walk. He was behind me, moving my hand with the cane and half supporting me. I screamed for him to stop. Pain was unbearable, shooting up and down my back and left leg. I could not sit on the toilet. I was shaking and crying. He helped me get into the anti-gravity chair that he had a 4 inch foam cushion on. I could not stop shaking. I knew I needed to go to the hospital. I was terrified of how that would happen. Ed called Faye to come over to help with our sweet little granddaughter while her parents came home from work. This was around 11 AM. Our Amanda was at work and I did not want anyone to call her, it could wait till she got home.

Fire rescue arrived first, what sweet and compassionate people. Then the paramedics arrived. God blessed me with gentle caring people. Fear enveloped me as I wondered how they would get me on the stretcher. It took four of them to do it, and yes, I am ashamed to say, I screamed when they lifted me up by lifting the blanket that I was laying on. My back bowed slightly. Pain. Searing pain enveloped me. Yes, first they set up and IV and gave me shots for pain. Such sweet and gentle people. Once in the ambulance I asked for a catheter because I really really had to pee. I was told they could not do that, but they said they would clean me up if I could not hold it. Yikes! I prayed all the way to the hospital that I would hold it. Whew. What a ride. Ed followed us.

The ER was a whole other adventure for me. Not easy, not fun, and full of pain and fear. The security of the paramedics was gone, now a new set of strangers were taking over and at that point I did not like my nurse. Pain was a 10 on a scale of 1-10. Nausea hit. They gave shots for pain and nausea, and a catheter!! That gave me some relief. X-rays were ordered. More moving me, more pain. Caring technicians that helped me get them done. Back to the ER room. Then MRI was ordered. This was a bad dream. A living nightmare. As I was being set up to go in the machine, I was given a button to push if I needed help. OK, I can do this. Nope. Inside the MRI machine I began to get sick, I pushed the button. Nothing, no response. I was vomiting with barely enough room to turn my head. I began to yell for help and hit the top of the MRI. They stopped it and pulled me out asking why I didn’t push the button. I told them I did, so they checked and sure enough, it wasn’t working! They calmed me down enough to finish the test, but I did vomit more inside it and even more in the ER room.

Whatever they saw it was enough for them to admit me right away. I was moved to the 3rd floor, room 307. Again God blessed me with the most sensitive and compassionate nurses and aids and even the doctors. We learned that the breast cancer spread to my spine, and in terms that I could understand, it caused fractures, hence the pain. The orthopedic surgeon said my spine was mush and there was no surgery that could help. The cancer was in the spine, affecting several vertebra and squeezing the sciatic nerve. Oncologist said nothing could be done but to keep me comfortable. Pain management set up the medicine to do that, and that had to be adjusted several times before we got the pain to a 7 without nausea.

That first night was hard on all of us. The kids came to the hospital and were there to hear the news. Everyone was shaken up. All I wanted was my family and friends that are family to me. I asked my first born to come down from NJ. She and her family drove down and were with us from Thursday till Tuesday. My heart was full. Ed stayed overnight with me. His love carried me through. I was weary. Many were praying for me and for my precious family. Then I knew. I knew I need watchmen and Aarons and Hurs to hold me up when I was too weak, scared or tired. Just like Moses had when he could not keep his arms raised. Aaron and Hur sat him on a rock, standing on each side of Moses, they held up his arms. I needed teams of Aaron and Hur to walk through this with me. God granted that.

My stay at the hospital was from September 9th until around 11 PM on September 18th. Stayed tuned for more of this amazing journey.

Categories: cancer, faith, family, friends, support | Tags: , , , , , | 2 Comments

I have cancer

March of 2013 I found a lump in my right breast. I did nothing until May. I saw a doctor and refused conventional treatment, choosing to just try to eat better. Well eating healthier until October 2014. That December I began to have pain in my lower back and hips. We thought it was sciatica and figured it would go away on its own. Boy were we wrong.

In May 2015 my husband, Ed and I began to go to the beach every weekend. I noticed that I was losing mobility each week.

May 27, 2015 began this most difficult time. I went to pick up something off the floor and got stuck. I could not move. My daughter had to call my husband home from work to help me. I was in intense pain and could hardly move. My son, Jonathan, came over to drive me to his chiropractor while Ed drove our daughter, Amanda, to work.

I felt some improvement after he did some decompression on three disks that were bulging in my lower back which he saw on the xrays. When things did not improve, he ordered an MRI on June 10th. They called my husband on the next morning to tell him that I had a mass on my back pushing on the spine, that my breast cancer had metastasized and I needed to get to my doctor ASAP.

Ed did not call, he just came home. I was in the kitchen and heard him walk in the door. My heart froze, immediately thinking he lost his job. His face, I can not describe the look in his eyes when he came into the kitchen. He told me the doctor called him and told him I needed to get to my doctor ASAP that I had cancer that has spread. Whew, is that all, what a relief. Then it began to sink in. This was me we were talking about. I have cancer. My son came home from work, so did his wife, Genée – she gave her ticket away to Tampa Bay Rays game for that night. Now having them all here made me feel like a lab specimen. I mean, I am Mom, I take care of others, not the one needing care. Thus began our journey into that scary medical realm.

June 12th we saw my primary doctor. Oh boy. What a jolt to my life. They instantly began to order a barrage of tests, set up appointments with the oncologist, surgeon, and radiologist. My head was spinning. I was numb but going through the motions with the help and support of my family.  Jonathan called an old friend, Carla Gilmore (CNM CNC HC) she is a Nutritional Microscopist, Counselor and Health Coach since 1998. She walked through cancer herself and has since helped others to do the same.

During this time I was screaming inside. I did not want radiation or chemo or surgery. I had seen what that did to my Dad and other friends. I agreed to go to my next two appointments but I knew what I wanted. Naturally the doctors began with prescriptions, one for pain, one for nausea (which I did not have) and one for anxiety. I tried the pain meds, I mean, I could hardly walk or sit or stand. Well that did not work out for me. It magnified the pain. I disliked the oncologist. He was good, but cold and unfeeling. His office was a like a morgue. He ordered a PET scan and a bone scan. Both use nuclear dyes. Ed and I prayed about what to do, but it ended up with us having to cancel both because we have such a high deductible and would have had to pay for them both up front.

Breathe. My first appointment with Carla was that same afternoon, June 15th. I am thankful my son called her. After all that doom and gloom talk, she gave me hope. She began my healing protocol. Actually, she began a protocol that would boost my immune system so my body could do what God designed it to do, Heal Itself!

We did see the surgeon on June 18th and liked him, but but but…he said I needed to have my breast removed now and he could not do it because our insurance would not cover the hospital he works out of. Mind you, my oncologist said they would not do surgery because it was too far spread. He just wanted a biopsy done. This is nuts. They can not agree on things and the stress had me a wreck.

We went home and I said enough. Not doing this. That was my last dealing with conventional cancer treatment and doctors.

Before I get too far ahead of myself…we are so grateful to Ed’s bosses. They have been amazingly supportive and helpful allowing Ed to work from home so he can be here to take care of me during the time I could do nothing for myself.

Day by day…step by step…

Categories: cancer, family | Tags: , , , , | 5 Comments

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